Healing a Relationship with the Partner
Spiritually speaking, everything we see in the world and act upon is a response to our memory in the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is the reservoir of the information from the past, everything relevant to us, our experience and surroundings, and all of our memories, unresolved emotions, and past actions. The subconscious mind runs and controls our daily perceptions, decisions, actions, and feelings. Our relationships with others are no exception.
Not only our own actions, but also our partner’s actions, can be a reflection of past memories and belief systems created long before we were consciously aware. Allow me to explain why.
There are numerous examples of stories where my clients were able to bring to the surface for healing, their unresolved emotions that resided deeper than the surface reactions one might normally experience when interacting with their partners. This includes friends, lovers, and family members.
What they see in the actions and even inactions of their partners, such as lack of support and respect, were actually emotions that were not resolved in the past – often in another relationship with their parents, significant family members, or close friends.
For instance, let’s say we feel unappreciated by our partner, who does not give enough support and attention for whatever we need to do on the daily life, such as shopping food, taking care of the children, preparing for meals, washing dishes, doing laundry and so on. Our partner may even aggressively criticize us for not doing things right, seeming to compare us unfairly with others.
We often react to the partner’s action/inaction directly and try to change then, which often does not work or makes things worse. This is because the emotions we are experiencing have nothing to do with them, in particular.
Although it may sound harsh, first we may try to see the situation mindfully. It may sound strange, but we attract people into our lives to bring our attention to our unresolved emotions and the belief systems which may need to be changed.
We do this over and over again, often not understanding why we seem to enter into the same emotional dynamic with different people. We may even seek the help of a psychiatrist, but find they don’t really help us to change our emotional perspectives. Finally, we learn enough lessons, notice the repeating pattern, and decide to take responsibility for our own emotions and heal. The first breakthrough toward improving and healing a relationship is to recognize that ‘alarm which is sounding’ through another, and take action to heal our own personal emotional wounds.
In the above stories, the root cause of their dissatisfaction was a lack of emotional support from their fathers. They projected these unhealed emotions onto their partners, as if the emotions arose directly from them. Through healing, they realized that when they were young, their fathers were not available emotionally, and unable to give love, support, and guidance. These women were still being run by old, unconscious memories which ended up perfectly creating a similar situation with their current partners. Only when they were able to realize this could they heal the root issue and stop the suffering.
Often times, interestingly, partners also suffer from similar emotional issues with their parents, which they also unsuspectingly project onto their partners. In these cases, the men felt a lack of recognition and support from their MOTHERS! These ladies married their partners because they mirrored each other’s same or similar issues. This is one of the powerful Universal truths that governs human life. We can only ‘match’ a partner who has experienced similar levels of emotional healing as our own.
Healing our deeply held, unresolved emotions is often the first step we need to take in healing any relationship. Through this process, our relationship is improved. It logically follows that this healing continues to extend out to everyone our lives touch. As we take responsibility for our own healing, this encourages the healing of the perceived ‘other’, creating an energetic wave or vibration for change. Just like the proverbial pebble making ripples on a pond, we start to see inexplicable change happen all around us. This change happens without blame, and often, even without the other people knowing what miraculous shift has taken place.
Deeply-held unresolved emotions can be resolved with our intention and willingness to heal. We must be willing to tackle the root cause, however, rather than patch things with any temporary emotional bandages. Healing must take place at the deeper plane, involve the subconscious mind, and work beyond the conscious mind. This is our ultimate freedom to experience a release from our emotional bondage to the past.
Among numerous modalities, Reiki or any other energy work – soul healing with a qualified, experienced, practitioner can help release our unresolved emotions at the subconscious level, replacing them with the divine universal energy of love and compassion. Such energy is ever-present, abundant, and does not rely on human energy.
Imagine if you were trying to give love to your spouse and children without knowing how to give that love to yourself. Imagine if your inner child was still seeking to receive rather than looking for opportunities to give, which comes naturally when you feel loved and whole within. How could you truly give if you didn’t know what it looked like to receive? Knowing how to receive love and give compassion to yourself and others will change many people’s lives.
Many may ask if we can experience a shift after an emotional release. The answer is, yes, most likely we will see the world differently if we complete true healing. Our partners, families and friends may likely somehow recognize our energetic shift, often not knowing what is going on, but start treating us and others differently! It is truly up to the partner, if s/he will take this as a precious opportunity for himself/herself to turn inward and reciprocate the similar healing process. This, after our own healing, is the second breakthrough to come.
Mika Ichihara is an integrative master practitioner, master teacher, and the founder/owner of Love & Compassion Integrative Healing Center located in Manhattan, NY. Her Center offers unique quality holistic care and total body – mind medicine. Built on her 18 years of experience, she developed integrative programs that incorporate Eastern Medicine/Japanese-style acupuncture, Reiki Energy – Soul Healing, and Conscious Medicine for physical, emotional and spiritual issues, self-awareness and life style changes for transformation. For more information on her practice and the Center, please visit www.loveandcompassion.com.