Being Assertive with Respect (Jan. 7, 2008)
How we communicate and address our own needs is crucial for living in harmony. We all tend to act either by aggressively claiming our needs without reflecting the circumstances and others’ needs, or by not addressing them at all at our own sacrifices. Spiritually speaking, both approaches are wrong.
People are often afraid of being assertive because of the fear of hurting others or simply hesitation. It is not selfish to address on your own needs so far as you know how to address them mindfully. It is good to know that there are certain spiritual laws to be applied in this context.
To begin with, you should be clear about what your own needs are. Being assertive is to be aware of Self’s needs in a bigger perspective. The needs are to be sincere and consistent, so that they can serve your healing, nourishment, empowerment, protection, joy, happiness, peacefulness and ultimately life purpose. They should not serve for the sole purpose of harming others. As you learn about the Self and the stage of your progress on your path, you will be able to confidently clarify your needs without fear and hesitation.
Second, the needs are to be addressed not only to others (e.g. partners, family members, friends and colleagues) but also to the Universe, which is the ultimate goal. When you send a message of your needs to the Universe, you will start materializing the vision into reality, which is called the “Law of Attraction.”
Third, being assertive on your needs makes you responsible for what you are asking for and the consequences of the action. You are responsible for your actions/inactions as a result of addressing your own needs. You need to be consistent and sincere about your needs. Inconsistent actions/inactions will confuse not only your own Self, but also others, and ultimately the Universe.
Sometimes, there is a conflict between the needs of your own and others’. In such a situation, you must learn to act mindfully. You can try to act sincerely for the best interest for both parties without compromising your Self. There may not be a perfect solution for the both parties. But if you act sincerely, the Universe will respond compassionately, so as others.
After being involved in both areas of human rights law and healing, I have learned that the question of assertiveness is analogous to exercising inherent rights of individuals (Human Rights). The Law of Human Rights and Spirituality are very similar in concept. According to the Law of Human Rights, claiming rights always implies associated Obligations on the complainants. Rights never exist freely from Obligations. They represent the two sides of the coins.
The concept of human rights emerges from the understanding of mutual “respect” and “dignity”. Exercising one’s rights without respecting others is called an abuse. There is no value in exercising human rights without respecting others.
By the same token, one of the most inherent spiritual wisdom is the Law of “Respect”, which guides the Humanity to respect the dignity of others as well as the Self. Assertiveness is in the end the ultimate respect to your journey as well as others’.
You can become assertive only with your efforts and practice. Please act in your daily life. This is the only way of achieving it. Assertiveness is a crucial aspect in the entire process of your empowerment…
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